The City
by thatswhatihad
Summary: Raven and Abby have both left the City of Light, but what is left of them as a result? Explores the possibility of Abby and Raven reuniting after the destruction of ALIE and how they use each other to cope with the horrors they have become culpable of.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Just a thought of what could happen if Raven and Abby reunited next episode. Enjoy :)**

* * *

"Raven!"

Raven spun around to find a frantic looking Clarke jogging towards her. "Have you seen my mom?"

For the last hour, the Blake's had been driving the car back and forth to pick up loads of people and bring them back to the base after Clarke had successfully made her way out of the City of Light. Arcadia had been chaotic ever since as swarms of people were reunited for the first time after the ordeal. Raven barely had the chance to breathe, let alone keep a running mental log of everyone who came through. Some people, though, would be hard not to take notice of. People like Abby.

"No, I thought she was with you," Raven began before speaking quickly again as she watched Clarke's panic rise. "Her truck probably hasn't come in yet. Just give it some time."

Her words had not appeared to ease Clarke's worries at all as Raven caught her eyes frantically scanning the masses in hopes of catching a glimpse of her mom. Raven placed a hand on her arm, drawing Clarke's attention for just one moment. "Clarke, you look exhausted."

"You don't look so hot yourself."

Raven acted like she didn't hear that comment. "Look, how about you go lay down, find someplace quiet to rest for a while and if I find your mom, I'll let you know."

Clarke shrugged her shoulders, still shaking. "Raven, I-"

"I know, Clarke. It's going to be alright."

Raven offered a sad smile, trying to hold up the emotions that had been building up inside her since she had been freed from ALIE. The physical pain was one aspect she could learn to deal with, but the mental and emotional trauma inflicted from the realization of what she had done under ALIE's influence was a burden she had difficultly handling. They all had lost something the day the City of Light became an option, but all Raven could do to convey that without losing her composure entirely was that sad smile and a small squeeze to Clarke's arm. Clarke seemed to understand though because she nodded in agreement, taking in a deep breath. "Okay, yeah. You're right. I- I'll be in my room. But please, Raven-"

"I promise you, Clarke. You'll be the first person I tell."

"Thank you." It was barely audible, almost choked out, but Raven heard her loudly.

Raven watched as Clarke made her way to her room, waiting until she disappeared before bringing a radio to her lips. "Bellamy, do you read me?"

Raven scanned the horizon in hopes of seeing their truck coming her way.

"Miss me already?"

Raven ignored him and continued to pace. "Where are you guys? Is Abby with you?"

"Yes, and Jackson too. I'm pulling into camp now. Be ready. We might need your help."

 _Need my help?_ Raven thought to herself. _What the hell is that supposed to mean?_

Bellamy hopped out of the driver's seat, swinging a gun around his arm as he made his way to the back of the truck. Raven limped after him.

"I swear to God Bellamy if you screwed up the engine already I-"

Bellamy grabbed Raven's arm, looking at her gravely. "It's not your mechanical expertise I needed your help for."

Bellamy opened the doors to reveal the last missing persons curled up on the floor, holding tight to their worn and beaten bodies. It was Jackson who first caught Raven's attention, sitting closest to the doors and looking mentally disturbed as he shamefully climbed out of the vehicle. It wasn't until his shadow had fully disappeared that Raven noticed the person she had been looking for all day sitting crouched up in the far corner, avoiding contact with everyone.

"Abby?" Raven gasped, taking in a woman that had become almost unrecognizable given her grave condition.

"We need to find her a place to lie down. She really needs to go to medical, but she refused," Jackson began, picking up a folded kit that Raven had recognized from her surgery.

"Wait why are you taking that? And why does she need to go to medical? What happened?"

"I don't know, she refuses to talk. Much like everyone else who was there to witness it."

Jackson began walking away in the direction of the medical ward. Bellamy turned to Raven. "If you can get her to talk or even just calm her down a little- She's been on edge since we picked her up, in and out of consciousness. I don't know what happened but from my end, it was pretty messed up."

"I need to go tell Clarke. Maybe she can-"

"No!" Bellamy tugged on Raven's sleeve, effectively stopping her from bolting. "No, please just- Don't even mention Clarke, okay? Something happened in there and whatever it was, Clarke seemed to be involved in some way. Just get her somewhere comfortable and quiet so she can rest. She hasn't slept in days."

Raven nodded, concern brooding over her whole being as she caught Abby stirring in the corner. "Okay, I promise I won't say anything. And Bellamy?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad your back."

Bellamy offered a smile that was tainted from the fatigue and pain that had come over his body. He offered a squeeze to Raven's shoulder before turning around and shouting off orders to the rest of camp in attempt to quiet the chaos. That's when Raven turned to the truck, offering an arm out to the shadow in the corner.

"Abby, it's Raven. Let's get you home."

* * *

Abby had been silent much of their walk back to her living quarters. The last time they had been in each other's presence Raven had unwillingly tortured Abby, which ultimately ended up torturing Raven herself when she came to and regained awareness. Unbeknownst to Raven, Abby was in the same position only Abby had less than twenty-four hours to come to terms with the evils she had committed while under ALIE's influence. The quiet allowed Abby to continue to brood over the events that had taken place while she was in the City of Light, and she couldn't help but avoid contact of any kind with all those who had been witness to her crimes.

Raven stopped when they arrived at Abby's door, pressing her back against it. "Look Abby, before I let you go I really need to say something."

Raven paused, waiting for an acknowledgement of some kind but was sadly disappointed. When no response came from her, Raven brought two fingers under Abby's chin, beckoning her to make eye contact. However, upon touching her skin Abby pulled back and winced, closing tight her eyes before bringing her gaze upon Raven. It was then that Raven truly got a good look at her. The way her eyes fell dead, her expression tormented. The way her hair was caked with blood and her neck consumed by red and purple. Her clothes looked like they hadn't been washed in weeks and her usual immaculate hands were hardened by dirt and blood. She was not the Abby she knew, and Raven couldn't help but feel responsible for it.

"I'm so sorry for what I did to you. For giving up. I didn't mean to cause all of this. Any of it." Raven looked to the floor as staring into those vacant eyes made speaking harder, and gathered her thoughts and composure before continuing. "You don't have to forgive me, I'd understand. But I needed you to know. I'm sorry, Abby. I'm so sorry."

It was Raven who was fighting back tears now as she looked down on her downtrodden friend, pleading silently that Abby would say something, anything to break this silence that had gone on between them.

"It's okay, Raven. It wasn't your fault," Abby croaked out from her dry and enflamed throat. She stepped towards Raven, placing a hand on her doorknob. "Thank you for walking me back. I'll let you get back to the others now."

Abby began to open the door but Raven stopped her, wrapping her arms around Abby's broken frame. Abby jumped at first, remaining tense for a second before lightly hugging Raven back. Raven wanted to hold on longer but she sensed the hesitance in Abby's response; she didn't want to make things worse. So Raven let go, trying to keep hidden from her face the knowledge that she felt the hallow shell that Abby had become. "Goodnight, Abby."

Abby smiled back weakly, stepping inside her room. "Goodnight Raven." And at that, her door was shut, leaving Raven standing bewildered and heartbroken outside the doctor's door.

 _What happened to you?_

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 **A/N: I was thinking of making this a two-shot. If anyone wants me to continue, please let me know in the comments. And, as always, thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

Abby's current state was an unwelcome one in Raven's mind, and rather a unexpected one at that. That wasn't to say she was expecting some jovial woman free from injury and suffering, but she was expecting a certain sense of calm and relief that came in knowing their greatest threat was destroyed. There was nothing peaceful about Abby's presence however. In fact, there wasn't even pain. Instead, she was just one long vacant stare that showed no signs of Abby or life itself; and that frightened Raven more than anything else.

Raven concluded this must have something to do with whatever happened between Abby and Clarke- the event she wasn't supposed to bring up. But Bellamy only told her not to say anything to Abby; he made no mention of questioning Clarke. And so, resolved to fix this new war that was brewing in the minds of ALIE's forgotten soldiers, Raven made her way to Clarke's quarters to know the extent of the damage done.

Raven rapped softly on the door, just loud enough to arouse Clarke. "Clarke? It's Raven."

"Come in."

Raven cracked the door open just wide enough for her to slip inside before closing it again. Clarke was in the corner of her room, standing in such a way that suggested she had spent her entire time back pacing rather than sleeping. "Did you find her?"

Raven sighed. "Yes, she was on the last truck back. She's in her room now, sleeping."

"I have to go see her!" Clarke attempted to push past Raven but Raven caught her, almost losing her footing in the process.

"Clarke, we need to talk about that." Clarke just stared back, eyes intense with her mouth left slightly open as if to say 'what'. "What happened between you and your mom back there?"

Clarke's expression dropped and there became an immediate strain to hold back the tears that had settled in. "ALIE used her to torture me for the passphrase. First, it was just threats. But when I kept refusing, she punctured my chest with her scalpel. And then she-she.."

Clarke's voice broke as she tried to get out the words that were held so heavy in her heart. Raven held tight to her arm, offering comfort as she tried to redirect Clarke from the memory and instead to her and the present moment. "She what, Clarke?"

What came out of Clarke's mouth next was nothing more than a comprehendible cry. "She hung herself! She hung herself and I let her because I couldn't tell her- I couldn't let ALIE know."

"Clarke, I-"

"Murphy cut her down and I used the EMP on her to bringer back. When she woke up, she couldn't even touch me. She just kept crying and shaking. I was able to talk enough sense into her to help me with the flame and destroying ALIE, but once the chaos died and her role was over, she retreated. She refused to come with me to ride back to camp. She won't even speak to me, Raven, I-"

Raven stepped forward and pulled Clarke close as her tears began to soak her chest. "She's strong, Clarke. Just give her some time. It's hard those first few moments when you come back from the City of Light. She just needs to adjust."

"I tried telling her it wasn't her fault. I told her, but she wouldn't accept it. I don't know what to do, Raven."

Raven pulled back from the embrace, looking Clarke in the eye as she held strong to her shoulders. "We're going to fix this, Clarke."

"How do you know?"

Raven bit her lip, glancing off to the side before meeting Clarke's gaze again. "Because I know how it feels to wake up knowing you just tortured someone you love."

* * *

Raven considered heading straight back to Abby after leaving Clarke's quarters but decided against it. After all, it was Raven herself who said that everyone should just give Abby some time to process and accept what had happened. No one had come out of this war unscathed, so it was not as if anyone was expecting anyone else to be the same, fully functional person they were before. Abby deserved time, just like everyone else, even if she was one of the more prominent members of society that everyone looked towards for council. Sometimes, the comforters need to be comforted. So Raven let Abby be, for a few days. But as days turned into a week, Raven couldn't keep her distance anymore. Especially after gossip started spreading around.

"Did you hear Abby just got up and left today?"

"What?" A group of boys were seated at a long table, leaning over their plates of food as they listened to the one guy speak.

"Yeah, she just straight up ran out of medical today. With a bunch of patients still in there and everything."

"She's lost it ever since the war was finished. Sad. It's a shame to see such brilliance wither away just like that."

Raven stepped over to the table, having heard enough. "Hey, don't talk about her like that!"

"Woah, I didn't mean to offend. She was one of the best. But everyone has their breaking point-"

"She's not broken! Maybe she just needed to take a break. Do you know how stressful it is to be the only doctor around here, especially after a war like this?"

"No, but-"

"Exactly, then keep your mouth shut and worry about yourself. Get back to me when you've saved a couple thousand lives."

The boy just stared back at her, stunned. "And so help me if I hear your mouths run again, you're going to have it coming to you. Understand?"

They all nodded anxiously, the fear of god in their eyes.

"Good." Raven stormed off, infuriated that someone would even dare talk about Abby like that. She didn't even believe that what they were saying in the first place, but it didn't stop her from heading towards medical just to be sure there wasn't a hint of truth in it all. When she arrived, her heart sank a little. She was gone.

"Is Dr. Griffin here?" Raven nearly shouted, looking around at the tired faces in the room. They all shook their heads. "Great," Raven muttered under her breath, turning around and heading back out, to Abby's quarters this time.

She had promised herself that she wouldn't go looking for Abby, she wanted Abby to approach her first, _unless_ Abby was in danger. And to Raven, a person who consistently worked days on end because she lost track of time and was concerned for everyone's well-being to then suddenly leave work unannounced was a matter of concern. Raven mentally thanked the universe that Abby's room was just down the hall from medical; her leg was throbbing. She rapped on the door. "Abby? I'm coming in."


	3. Chapter 3

Raven found her leaning over a sink seemingly trying to calm her nerves. Not wanting to frighten her further, Raven approached Abby slowly knowing that Abby hadn't heard her walk in. "Abby?"

Abby spun around, sinking into a low position with hands outstretched as a guard as if to protect herself. She stared at Raven for a few moments before recognizing it was a safe situation and putting her arms down. "What are you doing here?" she demanded through a hoarse voice.

Raven took a couple steps forward, closing the gap between the two of them. "I stopped by medical and noticed you weren't there. Are you-"

"You never come to medical willingly." Abby's gaze on Raven was almost an accusation in and of itself.

"I was worried about you and wanted to check in on you. Clearly, it's a good thing I did. What's going on?"

"Nothing, I was just taking a lunch break."

Raven stared at Abby long and hard, who was now fidgeting once again in attempt to hide the tremors that had taken hold of her hands. "You and I both know that's a load of bull."

Tears started to form in Abby's eyes and she had to break eye contact, turning around so Raven could no longer stare her down. There was a time when Raven would have taken this as a sign for her time to leave as she had touched a soft spot and invaded into something personal. But a lot had happened between Raven and Abby over the course of the year, and so had her inclinations. Instead, she drew closer, giving a soft pull to Abby's shoulder to turn her around again. "Abby, talk to me."

All it took was one glance at Raven and Abby broke down entirely, bringing her hands to her face as she cried into them. Raven pulled her closer, pressing one hand on the back of Abby's head and the other around the small of her back. "Ssshh, it's okay. I have you."

Raven waited until Abby had settled down before urging her to come sit on the bed. "What's goin' on, Abs?"

She brushed a strand of hair out of Abby's face as she waited for her to speak. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't be a doctor anymore, Raven. I can't just go back to life as it was before- I broke my oath, Raven. Do you understand how awful that is?"

Raven had to stop her right there. "Hey, you and I both know that wasn't you back there. None of us were ourselves. Do you blame me? Do you blame me, Abby, for what I did to you."

Tears were welling up in her eyes again, threatening to spew if she spoke. "No-"

"Then don't you dare do that to yourself, understand?"

Abby nodded but still refused to look Raven in the eye, consumed by some other thoughts that had her attention drawn out in a vacant stare. "What happened back in medical today? You were doing just fine earlier this week. What changed?"

Abby finally looked up, turning to Raven with a look that resembled horror. "I've been seeing things. Things I did. To Marcus. To Clarke-" Abby paused a moment to choke back her tears before continuing. "I've been removing the chips from people's necks. Even though they're disabled, they're still in there and, understandably, a lot of people just want it out. I was working on this last patient and when I took out my scalpel, I-"

Abby stopped, biting her lip and looking to the ceiling to stop the tears from falling. "You what, Abby?"

"I saw Clarke. I saw myself cutting into my own daughter and torturing her. I panicked. I couldn't do it anymore. I put the scalpel down and excused myself, and came back here. I can't even unlace my shoes because my hands won't stop shaking."

Raven brushed away the tears that were now streaming down Abby's face before pulling her into a hug. "Come here."

Through chortled sobs, Abby spoke again,"I can't do it, Raven. I can't be the person I was."

Raven pulled back, holding onto Abby's hands and feeling them still in her own. "So don't. No one is expecting you to be. None of us are the same."

Abby nodded, forcing a smile so as not to cry. Raven continued. "But you most certainly can be the most brilliant doctor any of us here have ever known, broken oath or not. Promises we made under ALIE's control have no baring in this life now."

Abby shook her head. "I can't, Raven. Every time I try to work, I'm taken back to all the terrible things I've done. I'm not going to risk someone's life to-"

"You're not risking people's lives, Abby. You're saving them."

"Not like this."

Raven paused and then sighed, looking down at their hands before returning her gaze to Abby. "You're right. Not like this. So how about you take a break for a few days, okay? Let Jackson handle things for the moment and then we'll reevaluate at the end of the weekend. Okay?"

"Raven-"

"Okay?"

"Okay."

Abby's eyes trailed off again, and Raven touched her face to bring her back. "Hey, what is it?"

Abby gulped, looking at Raven once again. "You don't know the things I did back there. You don't know what I've-"

"We don't need to talk about this, Abby. What's done is done, and Clarke doesn't blame you for any of it."

Abby studied Raven's expression before coming to the realization that she knew. "She?"

"Clarke told me. But only because I was asked. I didn't know what was going on and I was so worried- I had to know."

Abby nodded again, avoiding eye contact.

"Hey, we're all on your side. What's the worst that can happen now?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to hurt someone again."

And that's when it hit Raven. It wasn't that Abby was afraid of ALIE anymore, it's that she had become afraid of herself.

"You're not going to hurt anyone again, Abby. You heal people, save people. Not hurt them."

"I don't know if I'm capable of that anymore."

Without a word, Raven began undoing the bandages that adorned her arms, revealing angry sutures that were weakly held together. She stood up, approaching Abby's shelf to take down her medical kit containing gauze, needles, and thread.

"Raven, what are you-"

Raven picked out the temporary sutures. She knew all along they were going to have to be redone or the wounds would never heal properly, but she wasn't expecting it would happen like this.

"Raven, stop!"

Blood was starting to run down her arms, only stopping when it met the old gauze Raven had just removed. "You're going to close these up for me."

Abby looked panicked, staring unmoving at Raven's arms as if she was being taken back to that night when those gashes were made. She made eye contact with Raven, looking to her as if to find an answer.

"Abby, you have this. Just a simple suture like you've done a million times before." When Abby's mouth opened without words to escape it, Raven continued. "I trust you with my life, Abby. You're not going to hurt me, okay? You're not going to hurt me."

Abby looked into Raven's strong expression until she had confidence that Raven really believed what she said. "Okay," she croaked out through her irritated throat.

"Okay," Raven repeated, taking the pressure off her wound so Abby could begin. "You got this."

Abby threaded the needle and began sizing up the gash, holding the old gauze in her one hand to catch any blood that spilt. Taking a deep breath to steady her hands, she pushed the needle through Raven's skin, looking up at her expression to make sure she was okay. "I'm fine, Abby. Keep going."

Abby kept the sutures tight, working slower than Raven or herself was used to, but still never stopping. Once she was finished with both arms, she cleaned both wounds alongside her needle and wrapped Raven's arms in fresh gauze. As she was about to return the kit to her shelf, Raven grabbed her hand. "I love you, Abby."

It wasn't the first time Raven had told her that, but it still caught Abby off guard all the same. "There was a point, after not sleeping for days and I started having hallucinations myself, that I thought I might never get to say those words to you again." It was Raven now who was tearing up as Abby sat back down on the bed. "I couldn't stop thinking about Finn and Sinclair- And then I thought, if I lost you too, I would have no one left."

Abby's expression dropped and she pulled Raven in this time, letting Raven be comforted for the first time since before the war started. "I love you too, Raven. I'm not going to leave you."

"I can't have you give up on me, Abby. I'm tired of living with ghosts."

The urgency Raven had displayed in proving to Abby that she could march forward after the atrocities took place suddenly made sense to Abby; she was afraid that if Abby abandoned herself, she might as well have lost Abby entirely. "I'll never give up on you, Raven. I'm not going to let you lose anyone else."

Abby pulled out of the embrace only place a strong but chaste kiss on Raven's lips. "I'm not going anywhere."

Raven nodded, falling back into Abby's arms and holding onto her tight as if to prove to herself she was really there. "I love you," she mumbled into Abby's neck.

Abby smiled, breathing in Raven in all that she was. "I love you, too. Always."

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, I think that's it for this little three shot. Hope you all enjoyed! If you have any other doctor mechanic prompts you'd like to see me do, please let me know in the comments below :)**


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